Life in LA

Was it absolutely foolish of me to think that leaving Colorado was going to be easy? That I wouldn’t miss walking within the pine trees every weekend and nightly thunderstorms? That I would long to snuggle with Rocco or go out dancing with my best friends? God, I am naive as fuck.

I did not expect moving to California to be as difficult as it has presented itself to be. I also did not realize how crazy my social life was in Denver, since my weekends have been strangely open nowadays. Another realization has been that it’s slightly depressing to live in a home without any pets whatsoever.

Don’t get it twisted though. I don’t regret moving to California at all and feel fortunate as fuck to have a job that I look forward to going to and oddly love. Working in the advertising industry has been a trip thus far and I haven’t even gotten to do anything exceedingly spectacular yet. I also feel that as soon as I feel absolutely settled and have a good grasp on all my projects, it’s something that I can excel in… I just have to pay a little more attention to detail.

While we are on positive notes, I also live within walking distance of the beach. Yes, the beach. The beach on the ocean, not to be confused with a beach on a lake.

Written in Aug 2017, brought to life from the drafts folder.

Early Morning Poetry

Beans of Life

Coffee, the only regularity in my life.
There are no world shortages,
Or miles between a cup of Joe and I.
Only a few steps to the kitchen,
And soon I’ll be sipping on my steamy delight.

(March 22, 2015)

Stuck

So you say you’re stuck.
That I’m fucking you up.
Yet it’s early in the morning,
And I wasn’t the one to reach out to you.
But maybe this is just part of your luck,
Cause you couldn’t fill my fucking cup.
Although I probably should come with a warning,
There’s really nothing left I want to do.

(March , 2015)

Old Poems by Little, Old Me

It’s been a snowy, lazy day in Colorado. Which can only lead to procrastination in the form of organizing other aspects of my life. Such as old notebooks full of undirected, not very well written or formatted, poetry. A lot of emotions starting to resurface as I was going through the pages but I’m glad that it’s all in the past and that it happened in the first place.

“I Wish I Could Read Your Mind”

Is it my mysterious lure that attracts you?
Because I felt the veil drop once I told you what was on my mind.
Did my once piercing eyes soften,
As I confessed actual emotions?
Did my dark features suddenly lighten,
After my thoughts were finally out in the open?

(November 20, 2014)

“Untitled”

I find it strange how one person’s presence
Can cause other people’s absence.
How one day a friend will be willing to strike another
without truly understanding the change in the weather.

(October 30, 2014)

I don’t exactly aspire or expect to get any of my poems published, however, I would love to improve and if anyone has any feedback to offer please do!

Sweet Dreams!

Goodbye Hemingway

I have deleted all my previous posts and have decided to start this blog, once again, with a fresh slate. The reason I deleted absolutely every other post is because they were terribly depressing. This past year I have seriously lived up to the name I created for this blog, “A collection of my latest complaints.” But I didn’t really intend for this blog to head in that direction when I came up with that title, it was just created so I would have a title and not just a blank header. No, but seriously. Some truly depressing, self-loathing shit came out of me this past year and I am SO over it. And I hope that was read in a very Clueless chic tone. Although that doesn’t necessary mean I will ever be so merry, I am really going to try to focus on what made my day instead of what broke my fucking month.

As for the title of this blog post, I had recently been using a Hemingway theme. I have no idea why it was named Hemingway, it was a simple theme, while Hemingway was anything but a simple man. I am not the biggest fan of Hemingway, even though I think his family history is intriguing. BUT BUT I absolutely love his short stories, especially The Snows of Kilimanjaro. If you have never read it, go google it right now because I am not summarizing it. The first time I read this, I had to reread it right after to really just let it sink into my soul because I don’t think I could have captured the meaning, or at least what I interpret as the meaning, otherwise. Harry, the man who is dying because he neglected a small cut on his leg that could have been easily cared for, is a man full of life regrets. Someone who I’m sure we all wish to be the opposite of. He basically gives up on his dreams and becomes lazy because he became comfortable early in his life, thanks to his marriage to wealthy Helen. (Poor Helen, she seemed like a truly lovely wife and she was just being used). It is only when Harry is moments away from his death that he reflects on what he really wanted to do in life, which was to write!

Okay a little backstory/background knowledge that I learned from a class about Hemingway. He wrote The Snows of Kilimanjaro after what could have been considered his longest writer’s block. So it’s been speculated that Hemingway is connecting himself to Harry and is basically mourning all these works of writing that he lost by not being able to transfer his thoughts or perhaps gave up on because they weren’t what he was shooting for.

I could go into a lot more detail and basically just lay out an analysis but this is a short, enjoyable blog that I’m trying to create and not an American Literature class.

So now I’m going to tie this to myself. Lately I have been just been banging my head against every fucking visible wall because WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING IN LIFE?? Seriously, I have no time to change my major again unless I want to graduate in 3012 and I am fucking in debt because I’m irresponsible piece of crap.. but a lovely piece of crap with an amazing sense of humor. I am terrified of ending up like Harry, becoming comfortable in a mediocre lifestyle and not going after what I truly want. Which has yet to come to me, but I do know that it involves NYC for a while, traveling a shit load, and ultimately living in the mountains near Denver. So I know where I want to be, but not exactly what I am going to do there. Then I thought, okay how cool would it be to work in publishing?? I’m not a good writer myself but I love reading other people’s work of ART and would even more love to help them achieve getting it published! Now that’s something I could look forward to every day. Also I love dogs so I have to have tons of those angels. So now I have some newfound direction along with the idea that I love entertainment and with a marketing degree I’m sure something could work out with that and help me gain experience. My mind is just in a better place this morning and I hope that it stays that way.

Another new thing I’m doing with the re-inventing of this blog is that I’m just going to keep it public. Like fuck it, I doubt anyone reads it anyways. But i am not proofreading this right after, so excuse my brain farts and bare with me.

xoxo, Andrea